The Shyness and Social Anxiety System | Breaking the Mindset
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The First Baby Steps To Overcoming Shyness
First of all I should say that I, myself am a shy person, but still looking for ways to beat it whenever and wherever I can. I guess right there is the first step you need to take. One of the early points that The Shyness and Social Anxiety System mentions is to keep pushing yourself and to talk to people more, even those you might meet on your travels, whom you may not know and feel awkward approaching.
The other week while at a train station, I aimed to test out and try that very same piece of advice as described in The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. While on a trip to Kent recently by train, there was a young lady at the station who was looking at a map quite regularly and looking lost. Normally, this would be where my shyness kicks in. Maybe some of you can relate to this but I was thinking, “Should I go up and ask if she’s ok or needs any help?” or Is she going to think I’m strange for coming up to her?” or “Is she going to be rude and cold?” With me, when those kind of questions pop into my head, I analyse them and think, ok no I won’t do anything, best be safe and not embarrass myself or “make a scene”.
The interesting think here was, on this one rare occasion, I bit the bullet and went up and said hello and asked if she was ok. To my surprise she was quite friendly and that initial push forward sparked a long conversation about many things, on the platform and on the train into Kings Cross, London. It was there that we parted company, where unfortunately, my good friend shyness and fear prevented me from asking for her number, something I regret doing after making an effort but that’s life! That was one small step towards answering the question of how to overcome shyness, namely by taking a chance and facing fears.
The point I’m making here is that if I didn’t kick my own ass into gear, bust out of my safe comfort zone, forget embarrassing myself and forget making a scene and talk to someone who I wouldn’t have had spoken to in any other normal situation I wouldn’t have had that great experience! So that step, right there, was a minor victory for me! Yay! That’s the positive outcome you need to acknowledge and build on every time you take a step forward in beating and overcoming your shyness.
I mentioned fear and regret before I think these two can sometimes go hand in hand when it comes to shyness. Fear comes before and regret after. Fear comes before because you’re worried about how people will perceive you if you say something or do something while among new or strange people. Rather than potentially looking like a fool, or fearing that people will point their finger at you for something you say or do, you choose to take no action at all and stay quiet. In short it’s a fear of a lack of approval that can be a factor. In The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, Sean mentions the possible origins of this from the Neanderthal times to where cavemen had to be seen to be strong and confident in their group and those that had little or no approval were pushed out and isolated and left to survive on their own.
For me, in my case and example, I wouldn’t have met that young lady, (we were talking so much I didn’t have time to ask her name) had I not taken my leap of faith. So the initial advice in The Shyness and Social Anxiety System that Sean mentions of talking to people you wouldn’t normally have spoken to (because of your shyness) was extremely useful and empowering too!
The regret however, is almost like the product of the fear and the shyness. You want to be better, to have done things differently, but your actions (or in-actions) were governed by, and borne out of your fear and shyness and you feel like you missed out. When it comes to life you don’t want to feel like you’ve missed out.
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